Receiving with grace

As promised in my last post, this post is about the flip side of giving feedback; receiving feedback.

In my workshops on communication skills, I have always managed to weave in some activity on giving and receiving feedback. Invariably, the initial response to feedback is to get defensive.

Feedback 1: Well, I think that the font size on these slides could have been bigger.
Response 1: *splutter..splutter* But, we had to fit in all the information for the figure and the template provides only so much space.

Let us take a look at another scenario,
Feedback 1: We feel that the some of the key points were not covered in your summary.
Feedback 2: Our team thinks that your summary was too long.
Response to 1 and 2: *blink, blink* Ok, I will improve next time.

Do you see what I mean?

In the first scenario, the response is to go into a detailed explanation of why the font size could not have been bigger; in the second, it appears to be a polite way of deflecting the point.

So why does this happen?

Often, the person at the receiving end feels overwhelmed. Why? Because he thinks that he will not be able to make all the changes that are pointed out by the feedback.

For all those who have been in this position, here is your Presidential Pardon, General Amnesty or Get away free ticket. Call it whatever you like.

‘You do NOT have to actually make all those changes.’

Alert reader, yes… you did read that correctly.. I repeat

‘You do NOT have to actually make all those changes.’

Doesn’t make sense, does it?
It will, in a few minutes. Let me share an example from my own life.

I wear glasses; have been wearing for a long time. Often, I have had people tell me that I should switch to contacts. They tell me that I would look better. I agree; I probably would. I choose to stay with glasses, as it suits my lifestyle better. For me wearing glasses gives flexibility and saves me a few minutes everyday that I would otherwise need to spend on maintaining the contacts.

You see, the answer is that however valid the feedback might be, it is up to you to see how well it fits into your life or goals. If you keep this in mind, you would be able to take feedback without getting defensive.

Whether you are going to make the changes or not, here are some points that will help you take feedback with good grace.


Listen carefully. It is important to get all the points clearly. Only then would you be able to decide whether to make those changes or not.

Ask for clarifications. If you are not clear about any point, ask those clarifying questions. ‘You mean, my voice is shaky now, or it is shaky all the time?’

Watch your tone. Be polite and respectful when responding to feedback. A positive tone shows that you are open to feedback. As a growing professional, you need all the feedback that you can get.

Say Thank You! Remember that people do not have to give you feedback. It always helps to show your gratitude. It is a good practice for the young professional to adopt.


Thank you all!

See you on theses pages next Monday!


Gayatri